12 May 2017

How to deal with changes in Doctor Who

Things on a long running television programme cannot stay the same and they will change which doesn’t always sit well with people. Fans however are well versed in the art of dealing with change and it seems appropriate, as we wait for a new Doctor to be announced, to bring together the sum of their experiences. When these things happen all you have to do to get through it is follow the standard response patterns in this handy dandy guide. Just work your way through each step and you’ll be fine. There, there.

#1 A new Doctor is cast. “Who’s Next? It’s Patrick Housego!”
  • OMG Not Patrick Housego
  • He will ruin the series
  • He’d be better off cast as The Master
  • Actually he was ok in that historical series
  • Oh the costume looks ok
  • Maybe he won’t be too bad
  • He’s the best Doctor since Tom Baker
  • I hope he never leaves
  • What! He’s leaving after only three years. The series is finished!!

#2 New opening titles feature a coiled spring made of particles of dust flying through a vortex made of jelly
  • They should have brought back the diamond logo
  • They need to go back to the slit scan tunnel
  • This looks like that advert from last year
  • It doesn’t really convey a sense of both time and space
  • I suppose the colours are Ok
  • I hope they never change it
#3 A new female companion is cast in the form of model turned actor Hollyoaks star Belinda Spong
  • Cor, she’s fit
  • I’ve always, ahem, liked her
  • She’s a really, really, really good actor. Really.
  • She is going to be fantastic
  • Actually she seems a bit like Sarahsusanromanaleela
  • The stories are all about her. What about the Doctor?
  • She’s fit though. Just saying.
#4  A new male companion is cast in the form of BAFTA Award winning former RSC actor Eddie Groot
  • God,why do we need more than one companion
  • He will be awful
  • He was awful despite all that good acting and stuff
#5 The Tardis console room is redesigned to look exactly as it did in 1963. Exactly.
  • OMG look at the state of it
  • It is just not in the spirit of the show
  • This just shows how the producers nowadays don’t understand the series at all
  • And why is there a hat stand?
  • It might look better in black and white
#6 The series is cancelled.
  • I’d stopped watching it years ago anyway
  • It didn’t deserve to continue
  • I preferred it when it was Tom Troughton and the maggots
  • I really miss it
  • I think it could work in the modern era
  • All if needs is a young fireproof producer
  • What!! They’re bringing it back written by Russell T Moffatt!! It will be rubbish
  • Russell Moffatt with his gay and straight agendas is totally unsuitable
  • OMG, its brilliant.

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