9 September 2015

Edge of Destruction Part 3


"Yes, very good dance Susan."

Exclusive!! Script extract from the planned episode 3 of Edge of Destruction recently discovered underneath a church in Balham.
It is the morning after the night before. The crew have been sleeping on uncomfortable flat beds within inches of each other. The Doctor is up early, jettisoning scissors into space. Susan is in the kitchen cooking futuristic pancakes which look exactly like pancakes except they are triangular. Barbara strolls in.
Susan - "Hello, Miss Wright, I'm terribly sorry .. "
Barbara (confused)- "What, for talking too quickly and screaming all the time?"
Susan bursts into tears and accidentally drops half a bottle of oil into the pan which flares up.
She rushes over to Barbara who cuddles her.
Barbara- "Don't worry Susan it'll be alright"
Susan - "Oh, I'm sorry, I really am it's just that since you came on board the ship, Idon'tknowwhatdayitisorwhatl'mtalkingaboutandl'mfrightenedofeverything ... "
Barbara- "What?"

lan nonchalantly walks in, chucking half a cup of coffee over the burning pan causing it to ignite even further
Ian (wearily) - "Hello"
Barbara (angrily)- "Oh, lan; how can you be so insensitive? Can't you see Susan's upset?"
Ian (sarcastically)- "Me insensitive? I'm dragged millions of miles into space by a crazy old git
and his freaky grand-daughter and forced to battle for my life on low budget planets and I still manage to do all the fighting while all you do is feed the chaffinches in your hair?!!"
Chaffinch- "Tweet"
The Doctor walks in, carrying a torch to see through the thickening smoke
Doctor- "Ah, good day to you Barbarian, Chestnut tree and Susan my dear. Is that bacon I smell?"
"I cut it myself"

Ian- "Er, no, the kitchen is on fire."
Doctor- "Don't worry, my boy, hmm. I shall set the Fire Destructor switch. Yes, mm"
He becomes increasingly delighted and skips over to a control panel that wasn't there two minutes ago.
Barbara- "Doctor, does everything in the future have such a terrible name?"
Doctor (tutting)-
"Now, now my dear, don't be so negative, hmm? There we are."
The fire stops and they each wipe a small and unconvincing amount of smut from their faces.
Suddenly Susan screams and attacks lan with a spatula. He knocks her to the floor with a well aimed kick.
The Doctor waddles through to the console room clutching his lapels and making a clucking noise.
Doctor (peering under the console)- "Oh, dear, .mm. I seem to have misplaced the fluid link, mm. I'm afraid, my boy, we'll have to see what's out here. Yes. What's out there. Mmm."
lan grins, and produces a large box labelled Spare Fluid Links
Ian (smugly) -"Picked it up at Sainsburys because you're such a dozy twonk. Now we won't have to explore."
Doctor (spluttering)- "Well, I don't understand, no, I don't understand. I'm a mountain goat and I can climb shoes any day. Yes" 
"Do you like my Ninja headscarf Chirpinton?" "Er....."

Ian- "Oh, shut up and read this"
He hands the Doctor a book titled 'How To Fly The Ship In Ten Easy Lessons.
Doctor -"This'lI be no fun at all, Chessington, hmm?"
He turns round to Susan
Doctor-"Er, Susan child, mm, I think there's a pair of scissors in my room ... "

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